we here at cap to the hill are big fans of making shit up, observe:

baristo: a male working in an espresso bar.

bro: these tools wear plaid instead of flannel, can readily tell you how much they bench press and are way too pussy for scruff. these jaega bomb guzzlers would rather be playing beer pong, fiddling on their iphones and are slowly choking the life out of anything that used to be fun.

bro wateringhole: if bros were allowed a cheers, these joints would be shoulder to shoulder with these d-bags. think the elysian, think the garage, really any joint hill-wide on any given saturday.

ce-ho: a corporate-type who only fancies $8+ cocktails complimented by microscopic hors d’oeuvres–likely something french. they probably just bought a prius, not because they give a flying fuck about the environment but because they’re the new hummers. often seen in button-down shirts on saturdays.

clubhouse (the): moe bar. we’re a step shy of having cots set up in the back: they don’t need to see our id’s, they know what we drink, they know us by name…well, kind of.

d-bag: one who needs to probably shut the fuck up and re-evaluate their current state of being; had they been born a crayon, they would be beige but convinced they were wild strawberry or burnt sienna; short for douche-bag.

froku: frozen custard = way of life.

hillebrity: one who can be frequently found at various capitol hill locations at any given moment.

hipsterholic: this foaming-at-the-mouth asshole is likely dancing solo and digging for another cigarette, even though they’re already smoking one. they’re a walking cheers bar, you see them every time you go out. careful, they will spill their tall-boy on you.

hoboster: jacked from hipster hunter, “most hipsters come from affluent backgrounds where living like a bum is a personal choice. somewhere out there I bet there’s a hobo dressed like a trust fund kid with entitlement issues.”

junuary: january + june = seattle summer 2008, fucking burr!

mandy: man candy, yum!

the mecca: value village

toolbag: approaches life similar to a d-bag but more of the hipster persuasion; commends themselves on most things because they are so different from you and everything you like; spends a lot of time taking and editing their solo myspace pictures.

trifecta: the area between and surrounding havana, cha cha lounge and moe where a majority of our meaningless little lives take place.

whorester: jacked from hipster hunter, A reasonably attractive hipster chick with promiscuous tendencies. these specimens respond favorably to such mating calls as: ‘you wanna go back to my place and blow lines and fuck?’ …she likely works in a cupcake bakery.”

5 Responses to “cap to the hillisms”

  1. J-Rock!! said

    i fucking love you.

  2. Harveyheart said

    so true. jrock and i keep coming up with new ones.

  3. pumpkin said

    yo j-rock, harvey,
    feel free to float some of yours our way!

  4. J-Rock!! said

    Microsters: Super rich corporate pansy douches that invade the hill on weekends.

    Bellsters: The also like to show up and ruin Fri/Sat by creating lines to our Cha. Then act like huge tools.

    ex: one Microster approached Harverheart and asked “If I told you that you had a beautiful body…would you hold it against me?”

  5. Phil said

    Flashters: The people who for some reason or another feel they need to capture the night in the otherwise dark bar with 200+ pictures accompanied by a flash. Come on guys, no one in their right mind will look at these pictures again and think, wow I really am glad I took all these excellent snapshots at a bar…

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