Let’s slow dance

May 1, 2011

I’m not even going to try and tell you why you should be going to this. It’s a no brainer. Get dressed up. Get drunk. Slow dance and put your hand down your dates pants. This neighborhood already feels like high school, so why not a promenade?

Here are some deets:

Too punk in high school and never made it to prom? Monday May 2nd at 9pm Linda’s is putting on a prom for those who didn’t get a chance to get drunk and make bad decisions the first time around. DJs Executive Realness and Hank Rock will be playing the slow make out jams alongside the hits all night. We’ll have two photographers to capture your formal attire and intoxicated smiles as well as best-dressed awards!! (Drink Tickets! Sashes!) Cheap punch drink specials and a dance floor will set the mood. Dress to impress and you too can be voted into the prom court! Come live out your teenage fantasies at Linda’s Tavern!


Lost bird?

April 4, 2011

Can someone please explain this to me?


So I don’t know shit about domesticated birds, but wouldn’t this thing just fly the fuck away? And If I’m gonna be chasing this little shit head around I think I deserve more then just 75 bucks. Come on, what if I gotta climb a tree, roof, or where the fuck ever birds hang out?

The sign informs us that the birds name is “Bird.” REALLY? You couldn’t come up with a better fucking name then Bird? Now if I spot this thing fluttering around Volunteer park and start chasing it around calling out “Bird! Come here Bird!! …BIRRRRD!!!!” then I’m gonna look like a fucking crazy person.

I’m a Pizza Fool

April 2, 2011

From the minute I walked in the doors at QFC to grab some cups & ice for my April Fools party I heard everyone talking about free pizza. Seriously? EVERYONE! Customers to employees, employees to customers. Was I just really, really stoned? I asked my cashier “YO! WHERE DA PIZZA AT, BITCH???” and she told me that a new pizza joint, MOD was having a grand opening a few blocks down, giving away FREE personalized size pizzas to everyone.


So I walked my ass down to this place thinking in my head “Is this an April fools joke? Am I totally gonna feel embarrassed after this?” So Obvi the only thing to do was to fuckin’ google that shit!
And dude, it was totes true. Fuck yeah!! Walking in, mouth watering, so excited for pizza…a stoner’s wet dream. I’m a firm believer that NOTHING tastes better than FREE.

This is where the story gets real sad. They stopped serving free pizza at 9:00pm. It was FUCKING 9:02pm. I overheard a bunch of U-DUB frat boys bragging about getting the last of the free pizza. I was heartbroken but I decided I had gone too far and would pay for a slice anyhow.

MOD kicked me while I was down. No slices. I wasn’t committed to a $6.50 mini pie, and the greeter employees tried to heckle me on my way out saying that I’d pay too much for slices at Pagliacci’s. Walking home defeated in the rain I thought “FUCK THAT! IM GOING TO PAG’S FOR PIZZA!”

Just walking in I felt at home. I immediately felt like I cheated on the one I loved. How could I run to the cheap new whore on the block? Pag’s has been so good to me for years. Gretta, my favorite employee @ the BWay local (who has made every visit in the past few months so much more fun) was there to give me my desired slizzice. It was cozy, it was delish, and it was only 4 bones for two slices. That’s okay with me!

So I can’t say if MOD pizza is good or bad. I can say that I like what I like and I like pagliacci’s. I’ve made up my mind and I will forever stand by my special P-A-G.

best of cap hill craigslist

November 19, 2009

craigslist is a resourceful website, helpful for various things such as finding a new apartment, buying a used couch on the cheap, or finding yourself a blowjob within the next 15 minutes. at one point or another i’m sure you scoured through its pages for a new roommate or on missed connections looking for anything that might match up with that dreamy moment you had with that barista at starbucks. with hundreds of ads updated daily by literally anyone with internet access, you are sure to find some outlandish, zany and sometimes desperate posts.

here we will feature the interesting, bizarre, and just down right wrong cap hill craigslist posts every week. let’s jump right in.

looking to join a metal band? here we find an ad seeking lead a vocal or keyboarder for an untitled group still forming on capitol hill. the ad reads:

“We are all about Goddesses, Gods, Aliens, Voodoo, Shamanism, Inter-dimensional beings, Evil Preachers, Bullfighters, Smoking trains, stories of the ancient and future ones. Mainly we like to tell stories and have lyrics that have meaning, and some are made just to enhance your smoking.”

wow. okay. this band is all about quite a bit of fucked up shit. i’d really like to hear some of their music to “enhance my smoking.” the band lists slipknot, linkin park, and P.O.D. as some of there biggest influences. sound like the dream band for you? call them to set up an audition and get your scream on.

Read the rest of this entry »



perhaps all cap hill gals might wanna put a ring on it, or so advises mstaken.com who did the ohsotrue video response to “jizz in my pants” by the lonely island gents.

check it:

tinkerbell for lack of a better term, omg! how did i not know about this earlier?! disney cover night?! holy jesus, it’s christmas!

thanks to miss megan over at the stranger, via the lineout, i was enlightened. this little party takes place tonight at chop suey, just a block away from my apartment, which pretty much seals the deal. i’m there.

expected covers include “part of your world” from the little mermaid and “can you feel the love tonight” from the lion king. whoaaaa. i’m giddy.

straight from megan’s mouth, the night should look like this:

disney cover night:
It sounds too wholesome to be any fun, but Seattle’s annual Disney Cover Night is always a blast. The name says it all: Local bands rework their favorite Disney tunes of past and present. Given that the evening boasts some pretty stellar talent—Aqueduct, the Catch (original lineup!), Wild Orchid Children, Kane Hodder, and more—the results will definitely be entertaining. I can’t say who, but someone is going to do a version of the very sexy “Why Don’t You Do Right?” from
Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Hot. (8 pm, $7, 21+.)

don’t act like this doesn’t tickle your pickle. put on your mickey mouse crew neck, take a few pulls of the jack, and skip hand in hand to the chop with you bff. it’s bound to be a mighty good time.


January 26, 2009

….and right on. 


high five city market. not many mini marts can make me laugh out loud. 


October 21, 2008

rants and raves via craigslist are always a good time. a new weekly douchebag list has emerged resulting in giggles. check it out. 


gracias CL. 

don’t pee on the street/neighbor’s yard/dumpster-just go home….!

as if you’re just gonna go home after the war room kicks all the cool kids out! too bad the cal anderson love fest has come to semi-temporary hault due what we call the early “fuck u” fall. but do not fret my fellow hillsters-i know you always know where to lurk after 2am. and tonight is no diff…

head to the door (unmarked of course!) of the healthy times fun club where there will be not 4, not 5 but 6 crucial dj’s to spice up your after hour story playing nothing but the best hipster electro shit that will indeed secure the chance of a hangover. sounds good to me.

hope you know where it is my little sherlock holmes(es?). i have complete and utter faith in all of you!