please disregard the weather before reading this…

February 12, 2011

Okay, all you not-from-Seattle bitches.

Let’s get one thing straight (which is hard for me to do, considering the extremely high levels of GAY coursing through my blood vessels): winter in Seattle really is not the worst thing ever.

I know that it rains, a lot.  And that it’s pretty fucking cold and dark and damp for like 9 months.  And that, on the off-chance that it does snow, all hell breaks loose and the city shuts down and gets all post-apocalyptic n’ shit (did you see the abandoned metro buses during that snowstorm a couple of years back?? fucking CREEPY).

But it’s really not that bad here.  Whereas February in the rest of the country means sub-zero temperatures and thick sheets of ice complicating the weekly run to Wal-Mart, in Seattle it means one has the option of sitting on the OUTSIDE patio at Linda’s (last night, anyone?).

Yeah, this shit is mild.  Thank you Olympic and Cascade Mountains and proximity to saltwater; you create pretty good neutralizing forces such that the weather here isn’t ever that terrible.  So why the whining and moaning, all you non-native Seattle residents (and I know you all are, I like never ever meet people from Seattle in this city…)?  I mean, you did choose to move here…

Perhaps growing up here has hardened me to the long gray months, and they really are awful and I should be up on the Aurora Bridge helping construct that new suicide fence.

Or perhaps it has just become cool to bitch about the weather all the time.  Granted, I understand that sunlight is important (yes, I’ve been prescribed Vitamin D by my doctor), and that people really DO experience mental/emotional health side effects from the winter.

However, maybe instead of rolling over and pitifully looking out the window with Bon Iver on repeat, we should all GET OUR ASSES OUT OF BED and at least pretend that it’s not so cold and wet.

So, some suggestions to combat the not-really-that-awful Seattle winter:
– take yourself to a movie (Black Swan got REAL cray-cray at the end)
– after seeing Black Swan, be inspired and sign up for a dance class (yeah, I’m such a fucking tool that I actually did this…hello Beginning Ballet!)
– get a book and go READ it somewhere that is NOT your home, like in one of the million coffee shops in this town
– take a weekend vacay to another gray/wet city like Portland or Vancouver, BC to commiserate with your fellow winter sufferers (rideshare on craigslist!)

Or, actually look out the window at the torrential downpour and gale-force winds, let out one long resigned sigh and go back to bed, dammit, because today it happens to be especially nasty.

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One Response to “please disregard the weather before reading this…”

  1. Adam@tjs said

    “Not from Seattle bitches” could also be “from california bitches”

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